


side by side

by oceandawn



Series: in another life [1]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:48:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23159566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceandawn/pseuds/oceandawn
Summary: ben visits callum at the hospital, ignores the ringing in his head and waits for callum to wake up.or; alternate scene of 28/02/20
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: in another life [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924921
Comments: 11
Kudos: 139





	side by side

**Author's Note:**

> prompt for allisa <3
> 
> trigger warnings: hospital scene, mentions of trauma

Bright lights, the distinct smell of a hospital, beeping rhythmic next to his ear that sounds awfully like the drum in his veins. He knows where he is, but admitting it feels awful, that he isn't back home with Ben.

_ Ben. _

He saw him for that final second before it all went dark, where he wasn't even sure if he was hallucinating or if it really was Ben. When he felt Ben's fingers on his pulse, he knew it was him, and his body shut down.

There was no need to fight, to keep his eyes open and listen for the slightest peep because Ben had found him. Knew he would, hoped he would.

Callum has so much more to say to him, so much more time he wants to spend with him and maybe even a lifetime. The string that ties them together never loosened once, and Callum is thankful that Ben never gave up on him.

If that doesn't mean four little letters, then Callum doesn't know what else does. 

Sleep has been heavy on his body, murmuring voices here and there, touches on his arm and clicks on the machine next to him. He's been falling in and out of sleep for the entire time he's been there. Frankly, he needs it.

The bruises under his hospital gown still look menacing, but the majority of the damage, the worrying parts, are relatively gone. He's stable, ready to be discharged in a day or two while they finish up final checks. If he's going back home he doesn't want lingering injuries or worries that follow him around.

Although, he can't ignore the mental strain, the clock that's ticking down that'll break his foundations, not even a smile being able to help in keeping it at bay.

His arms feel numb, and his lungs are still bruised. It's a bit difficult to breathe heavy, but he's in a better shape than he was when they found him.

There's a weight on his lap, warm fingers holding his that twitch every now and then at the bedside.

Callum opens his eyes, blinking and welcoming back the harsh reality of the world itself. If the smell of the hospital didn't confirm where he was, the bright and almost ironically heavenly lights remind him well enough. 

He feels a bit drowsy, looking at his arm and noticing the various tubes applying drip. Probably pain medication, keeping him sleepy, blocking him from how  _ shit  _ he really feels.

The beeping beside him almost acts like a clock, and the seconds tick by, Callum lost in a daze until his hand moves without his own request.

Turning his head to the other side, he spots a head of brown hair, a grey hoodie that looks awfully like his own sitting on their shoulders, the standard watch Callum always sees him wear.

_ Ben. _

He's asleep, head rested on Callum's leg, one arm supporting his neck and his right hand holding Callum's, weak and barely there thanks to the grasp of sleep.

A smile warms Callum's face, squeezing his hand as much as he can, barely anything, but enough to feel how warm Ben is. He remembers holding his hand in the ambulance, blurred memories of contact, but it's there.

The door to his room clicks open, a woman with clipboard in hand running through notes walks into the room. As they meet eyes, the woman smiles, and Callum can't help smiling back.

"You're awake, then," she says, coming up to the opposite side of the bed, Ben pretty much taking all of the space beside him. 

"Guess -- guess I am," he frowns as he talks, resistance in his throat, and the nurse notices.

"You'll still feel some pain, I'm afraid. But you're in a much better state than you were when you first got here," the doctor looks over her notes again, happy with Callum's recovery. "You should be out of here by tomorrow."

Callum smiles, glad that he's being discharged even though he still feels rather rough. Nothing a bit of being home and spending time with love and company can't fix.

He turns away, back to Ben, smoothing a thumb over the back of his hand. There's still no movement from him.

"He's been here almost as long as you," she says, hugging her clipboard to her chest. "We tried to say you just need rest but he wanted to be here for as long as it took."

Callum's heart skips a little, thinking of how Ben has been here with him while he recovers. The gentle voices must've been him, talking to Callum as if he'll respond, hoping that he'll get a response back.

The lady looks between them, the utter admiration on Callum's face, the way in which their fingers intertwine as if they were made to fit. But there's concern in her eyes, a secret she knows about Ben that Callum isn't aware of, and the atmosphere seems too peaceful to break.

But she has to do her job.

"Callum," she starts, waiting for Callum to turn his head towards her before continuing. "There's something you should know, about Ben."

Callum squints, not sure what she means, and the once elevated feeling of love in his chest starts to blur and twist into dread.

"Ben has lost his hearing, to what extent, we're not sure because he wouldn't leave your side. But I just wanted to let you know that when he wakes up, he'll have a very limited understanding of what you say," and with that, she offers the notebook and pen that she was also holding against the clipboard. "Easier on the eyes than the phone, for both of you."

As Callum takes the notebook, the reality of the situation doesn't sink in until he turns back to him, soundless as if the world is silent.

And it is.

Ben can't even hear the beep of his machine, just white noise, so that's why he demanded to stay by his side, so he could feel Callum's pulse, to know he's there and alive.

Something pushes at Callum's chest, eyes welling up as the shock slowly creeps up on him.

"I'm sorry, Callum. Ben told me not to say anything, but I fear he'll ignore his health in favour of getting you home," she starts to walk away, back to the door. A fresh cup of water is left on the side for both of them. "I'll be back in an hour or two."

As the door clicks closed, Callum can't take his eyes off Ben. Somehow, somewhere, Ben lost his hearing, and instead of making sure he's alright, he demanded to stay by Callum's side until he saw the world again.

Ben won't tell Callum about how he couldn't sleep either, wearing his hoodie to make it feel like he's there, but still not managing to get anywhere near a decent amount. 

Callum just wants to hold him in his arms, feel the weight of him grounding every piece of his reality again, wanting to feel as if he's home once again. But he can't.

His body is sore, aching, and Ben isn't whole. He's barely there, sleeping because of the hours he refused to have, wanting to watch and wait to see Callum awake again. Ben's missed him, so much, and the ache in his chest to never leave his side again made Ben ignore the loud, insistent ringing in his head in favour of holding Callum's hand and talking to him in his sleep.

_ "Ben,"  _ he whispers, knowing he won't hear him, but he does it anyway. 

Callum squeezes his hand, uses the one free at his side to move through his hair. Ben's hair is soft, softer than he remembers, and the way his fringe pushes back under the movements makes Callum's chest fill with pressure.

_ He's back home.  _

A tear rolls down his cheek, cold and soaking into his top lip, still moving his fingers back and forth through his hair. Ben hums, body moving slightly, but he remains slumbered over Callum's lap, a warm and heavy presence.

Callum doesn't know how long he stays like that, looking down at Ben, fingers moving through the sides of his hair and thumb smoothing over his cheek. It's the first bit of peace they've had, consequently in a  _ hospital,  _ but it's enough to make Callum think about the nightmare being over. 

It might not be, but the world can't touch them like this, when they're together, and whatever faces them in the next few days, Callum knows they'll get through it. 

Bem mumbles again, squeezing Callum's hand tighter, a muffled  _ sorry  _ breaking between his lips that makes Callum's heart split open slightly. 

Callum lifts that hand, presses it to his lips once, and that's when Ben's eyes open slowly. They search around for what he can see, probably Callum's stomach, but it's his sense of touch that sets off fireworks.

His head lifts, a little dazed, but then he's turning up towards Callum. Ben's lips part, wavering, tongue tied as to what to say, squeezing Callum's hand even tighter. He's not sure if this is real, that Callum is awake and smiling back at him as he used to, and not even the slight bloom of bruises on his face can change that.

_ "Callum,"  _ whispers Ben, eyes welling up as he searches over his face, hand on his thigh and not believing what he sees. "You're awake."

Callum kisses his hand again, lingers there, placing a few more until he lets them drop to the bedside again. But Ben is standing up from the stool, leaning over, placing a small kiss on his lips that removes the doubt that somehow clings to him.

"Hey," Callum says, kissing just at the corner of his mouth, Ben's eyes looking a little lost. 

Ben kisses him again, hand gentle on Callum's cheek, shivering and afraid that somehow his touch will shatter Callum like glass. Callum eases his worry, holds his wrist, thumb soothing over the back of his hand. And with that, Ben presses his grip a little firmer, bringing home the reality of having Callum by his side again.

He doesn't want to let go, ever again.

"I'm so sorry," he says as he steps back, and Callum doesn't let go of him as his hand slides from his wrist to his fingers. "I did this to you."

"No, no -- don't say that,'' Callum is almost pleading, that Ben can't wait to apologise, fearing he's already lost his chance with Callum after doing such a traumatic thing as this. 

But then he notices Ben's entire focus on his lips, and at other times, it would warm something inside Callum's stomach, but with the knowledge the nurse gave him, it's something different entirely.

Callum takes the notepad and pen from the side of the bed as Ben sits back down, still leaning over him, touch keeping him grounded.

Ben frowns, and then worry sticks like pins and needles into his skin that somehow the damage to Callum is worse than what the lady said. As Callum turns the notepad towards him, though, he realises that's not the case.

_ "The lady told me about your hearing." _

Ben fills with dread, looking away. He curses under his breath, hand going through his hair in frustration. It's a mess anyway from how much Callum combed his fingers through it.

"I told her not to tell you," Ben finally turns back, but he's staring down instead of looking at Callum. "I'll be fine. It'll come back, and besides, I'm not the one in a hospital bed."

Ben laughs a little, but he's only met with Callum's stern expression, writing out another sentence,  _ "What if it's something serious?" _

"Doesn't matter," Ben says, sighing as he takes Callum's hand not holding the pen, bringing it to his lips and kissing the back of it. "I'm more worried about you, and I'm sorry I put you through this."

Callum scoffs at him, rolling his eyes before he's writing  _ again. _

Ben refuses to read it until Callum pinches his nose, and they both laugh when Ben recoils at the feeling. He looks awfully wounded when Ben can see Callum laughing but can't hear him.

He's even more broken, pieces grinding at the edges when he reads Callum's message;

_ "You're part of my life, which means to be worried about me is to worry about you. And of course I'm going to worry, I love you." _

Ben sniffs, blinks as he looks away. He can't take Callum's love declarations in any form, whether it be in the form of words spoken or written in rugged hand writing on a 500 page refill notebook.

"Callum Highway, romantic in bed  _ and _ on a sheet of lined paper," Ben bites his lip, reading it over once more until he's looking up at Callum, relieved at the smile on his face. "What did I ever do to deserve you, huh? Even after all this, you'd still wanna' love me?"

Callum doesn't need to write anything to answer that.

As he doesn't go to write anything, Ben worries he may be true, but the smile Callum gives him shreds any doubt in his mind.

It's a smile that says a thousand words. Almost as if he's trying to reach infinity, another way of saying;  _ to the end. _

Ben lets his head fall to Callum's lap, and Callum's hand combs through his hair again. His tears turn the bed sheets a darker blue, and he doesn't care if Callum hears the muffled sobs breaking between his lips.

_ "I thought I lost you,"  _ he says, burdened with guilt and the past however many days of pure agony pulling away at his spine, wondering and praying to whichever angel actually believes in him out there.

Callum shifts a little, ribs protesting, but there's enough kick in his veins to shift. He pokes Ben's arm, and when he doesn't respond, Callum releases his hand from Ben's grip.

Ben chases after it, taking hold of it again, eyes downcast as he brings it to his lips. Ben is so afraid of losing another love, stricken with the aching cold and thoughts that he wouldn't find him, wouldn't even  _ hear _ him if he started shouting.

Ben  _ did  _ find him, but the fact it wasn't his own effort and instead sheer luck slices more and more guilt down the curves of his spine. The weight of it becomes so much he has to lean on the bedside, hugging Callum's hand as if it's his heart, sighing when he presses it to his cheek.

"I'm scared, Callum," he says, and Callum can feel the words against his palm. "I couldn't even hear you. I couldn't hear you shout my name." 

Callum squeezes his hand as a form of response, allowing Ben to slowly scrape away at the pain that lingers.

"I didn't care about my hearing, and for the first day I was a coward. I thought you'd never wanna' see me again because just being me and having you by my side gives you all of these enemies," he swallows, bringing Callum's hand to his forehead. "But this time it was me, not my last name. I listened to my father and made my own enemy, my own  _ stupid mistake  _ just because I wanted to prove -- to prove  _ anything." _

"Ben," Callum says, but Ben doesn't respond. He tugs at his hand, but Ben doesn't budge, he hasn't finished.

"To get to me, he got to you, and it messed up your assessment. I didn't -- I didn't know what I was doing, and every time he sent a photo of you…"

Ben goes silent, closing his eyes, the images coming back that fold and twist with the rage he felt at that moment. If he ever sees that  _ bastard  _ again, Ben doesn't know if Callum holding him back would stop it.

He went straight for his heart, and Ben is tired of allowing it to gain more wounds.

It's then that he looks to Callum, tears just breaking from their hold as they roll down his cheek, "I'm sorry. I'm  _ so sorry." _

Callum tries a warm smile, but Ben just keeps looking at the bruises on his face, the way the monitor beeps steadily beside him.

"Hey," says Callum, getting Ben to look towards the notebook.

_ "You can make it up to me?" _

And Ben's heart leaps at the chance, feeling as if he has a debt to repay that he'll never afford.

Callum glances at him, starts writing, and he doesn't stop for a while. Ben thought he'd become annoyed, but watching Callum moving and writing his words down on paper just for them to have an easy conversation warms even the coldest parts of his heart.

He'd do this, for Ben, a small little detail that other people would overlook. And when Callum turns it around so he can read it, Ben takes in every single letter.

_ "Please stop saying sorry. I meant what I said when I was already in your world, I can handle this and I've definitely been through worse back out there. I stayed awake knowing that you'd come, sensed it in some weird way. You don't have to be sorry. _

_ And you can make it up to me by letting me go with you to get your hearing checked before we leave here completely. _

_ Also, I don't wanna be back here for a while. Maybe that too." _

Ben laughs at the last bit, turning to Callum and smiling when he's met with Callum's own smile. 

"You really don't blame me?"

Callum shakes his head.

"Then you're a fool," Ben still smiles, "but I guess I'm the bigger fool. Thinking you'd leave me when you'd be missing out if you did."

Callum laughs, shaking his head again, knowing that Ben still feels guilty but he's hiding it in usual fashion. He just tugs Ben's hand, getting him to sit up so he can lean up to kiss him. Ben lingers afterwards, eyes closed as if he can't believe it, heart elevated with words;  _ I love you. _

"Thank you," says Ben, instead, almost whispered with a hint of uncertainty. He doesn't know what he's saying it for, but he feels as if he needs to.

Callum just smiles, pats the space next to him and waits for Ben to shuffle on, laying on his side.

"She already told me off twice for staying after visiting hours," grumbles Ben, but he can't care less when Callum has his arm around him, fingers through his hair. "If this gets me banned I'm blaming you."

Ben smiles when he feels the rumble of Callum's laugh, hand against his stomach and head laying gently near his collar bone. 

"The last time I was in one of these I asked you out on a date," Ben murmurs, looking up when he feels Callum shift. He's looking down at him, and Ben notices how peaceful he looks, less bruised and broken compared to the first day.

On that note, Callum picks up the pencil again and starts writing,  _ "am I supposed to ask the same?" _

"No, but you could. Parallels and all that stuff."

Callum just huffs, and Ben can't help smiling from ear to ear when Ben reads what's unfolding on the paper.

_ "I think a nice date with sleep in my own bed sounds nice. Maybe you can tag along." _

Ben kisses the skin exposed above the gown, a cheesy amount of butterflies in his stomach.

"Yeah," he says, closing his eyes and feeling Callum rest his head on top of his. "I think I'd like that."

When the staff member comes in twenty minutes later to see them both sound asleep in each other's arms, she smiles to herself, deciding to leave them be.

Ben does go and get his hearing checked before they leave entirely, and even though it's not the news he wants, Callum holds his hand the whole way home, promises him on a small note that he's stuck on the lamp beside their bed.

_ Together. _

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: oceandawns  
> tumblr: oceandawning


End file.
